Have you ever had a friend tell you something mean that came out of nowhere? Like, “You’re not good at anything”? That would for sure hurt. Now, the weird thing is that a lot of us say way meaner things to ourselves every single day.
A voice in our head that says “I’m not good at anything” is always our harshest critic. But here’s the real deal: That voice is lying to you. Every single person has some type of talent or trait that they’re good at, even if you haven’t found it yet. The main issue is that we tend to hold ourselves back from really pushing ourselves to see what we can accomplish.
If you’re in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s or older and still don’t know what your best talents are, there is no need to worry. This guide will walk you step by step so that you know how to identify your strengths and boost your confidence so you can start living a life that is meaningful to you.
Why We Doubt Ourselves and How to Stop
To put things plainly, most people are their own worst enemies. We think of ourselves as failures. Looking at social media? You can forget about it because the endless comparisons to people online will only put you in a worse mood. Social media drains self confidence because of focusing on what we can’t do instead of what we can do.
Change is vital, and can start as soon as you wish. To kickstart transformative procedures that can improve self help, all you need to focus on is the very fact you aren’t talentless and there are abilities you possess that can be developed. Every individual has their own unique set of skills that helps them stand out. Here’s how you can find them.
Reflect on Your Past Successes (No Matter How Small)
To kickstart the process of uncovering one’s talents, the first step should be to take a look back at your life so far and list down the moments you are proud of. There are billions of people around the globe trying to come up with epic majestic achievements. There’s no need. Feeling good about your grade in school is great, helping a friend who needed you, or simply getting out of bed on difficult days can make a world of difference.
For instance, thinking back on my life makes me realize how much I have actually done. For example, I battled and conquered depression, went on to graduate with honors from college and even juggled a demanding job for several years—all while managing my ADHD.
Action Tip:
However, the best way to reflect on those memories is to create some additional quiet time. During this time, try and write down a minimum of three to five specific instances where you felt an emotion like pride, happiness or accomplishment—this applies to all feelings, no matter how tiny. It can be mastering a new skill, completing a project, or even making someone’s day. It all helps towards identifying strengths.
Why this helps:
Recognizing your achievements often helps put you in a positive mood, which in turn helps you build confidence. Additionally, such practices are usually really beneficial towards revealing certain recurring themes from you past.
Request Your Family and Friends Check In With You
People we cherish and care for help us notice good things about ourselves which we tend to forget. They help us see ourselves clearly, by recognizing our strengths. When you are feeling stuck with something, ask your family and friends that you trust the most, “What do you think I’m good at?”
Back in my mid-20s, I remember feeling really lost. When I asked my best friend for some guidance, he pointed out so many amazing things that I was capable of which I did not realize at all. That was really eye opening for me.
Action Tip:
Select 2–3 people who know you well; it could be family, friends, or trusted colleagues. Ask them these two questions:
- What do you think my strengths are?
- When have you seen me at my best?
Be prepared for some form of surprise. In this case, be ready for truths even if that doesn’t align with your picture. Remember, they are on your side and genuinely want the best for you.
Why this helps:
People usually don’t realize how other people are able to notice the “blind spots” about ourselves. This information helps us with a lot of guidance towards the strengths that we never knew we possessed.
Stay Open and Try New Things
Trying the same thing every day will not work for you. Stay curious and experiment.
From the surf industry at Quicksilver to interning at Hollywood with Jimmy Kimmel, I tried eight different internships in college. These experiences were valuable to me in understanding what I liked and sometimes didn’t like. Turns out, a lot of things that I thought I would love doing turned out to be bad fits while quite a few things that surprised me became new passions.
Action Tip:
Think of activities, hobbies, or jobs that interest you even if they seem silly or impossible. Set a goal for at least one new thing every month. Take a class, volunteer, join a club, or pick up a skill online.
Why this helps:
Whether it’s public speaking, art, coding, cooking, or leadership, you might discover some hidden talent that you never knew you had. The most important thing is to give yourself permission to make mistakes. Every new experience is a chance to learn something new.
Failures are Your Best Teachers
Everyone fails at something at some point. The important part is what you do next. When you try new things, you will mess up sometimes. That’s perfectly okay! In fact, failure is the best teacher.
Before I succeeded on YouTube, I spent five full years attempting to run a supplement company. It lost money every year, and eventually closed down. I used to feel like a total loser, but then I realized I had learned a lot, not just about marketing and business but even about myself! Looking back, I learned how to live and during that time I did gain a lot of useful experience.
Action Tip:
The most important thing to focus on here is that your failures do not define you. Ask yourself:
- What did I learn from this?
- What can I do differently next time?
Make a note of these failures and mistakes so you can reflect upon them in the future. You might be surprised by identify your true strengths and things you enjoy the most.
Why this helps:
Having an understanding of your mistakes helps you correct yourself and grow faster. Until you learn how to be resilient, you can never focus on this strength.
Let Go of Limiting Beliefs and Take Action
Self-limiting beliefs are common and paralyze many individuals, who, for instance, think they are “not good enough” or “not talented.” In more severe instances, we tend to accept lower paying positions simply to be in the vicinity of more successful individuals.
I’ve been there too: I almost accepted a personal assistant role because I didn’t believe in my abilities, but fortunately friends helped me see the bigger picture, and with some reflection on my life, I understood I could aim higher—and so can you.
Action Tip:
Be mindful of statements like “I can’t do this, or I’m not good enough, or even I’ll never be able to succeed.” Work to reverse and challenge those thoughts—question if it’s true or just fear. Ensure you take the necessary small steps—just don’t listen to the voice scaring you.
Why this helps:
With every decision you make, you feel a little more confident. The first few decisions you make may require a little more effort, but with each attempt you begin to understand your skills better.
Build Your Own Success Map-It’s Not a Straight Line
We sometimes envy those that are successful because it feels like they had an easy and smooth journey. In reality, there is endless work behind every successful person, and the ups, downs, twists, turns, and everything in between all applies to you too.
Think of a map that shows the “expected” path from A to B as a straight line. In reality, it zigzags! That’s completely normal. You learn something on each detour.
Action Tip:
Create your own version of the “success map.” Start with your current position and mark all the steps you wish to take, even the uncertain ones. Celebrate all small wins in between.
Why this helps:
Letting you appreciate your journey while keeping you motivated is focusing on progress instead of perfection.
You Do Have Hidden Talents—Go Find Them!
The key takeaway is that you are not devoid of talents. You possess skills, abilities, and passions that are one uncover away. While the steps are simple, they require honesty, bravery, and a sprinkle of curiosity:
- Recall your past wins – no matter how insignificant.
- Share with your friends and family and have them tell you what they think and see about you.
- Allow yourself to be a beginner and embrace new things.
- Fear not and learn from your failures rather than being scared of them.
- Take tiny steps challenging your settling mindset.
- Keep in mind: A journey is the way to reach a destination, unlike success which is not a straight line.
You don’t need to do everything today. Start with one thing, and remember, each action gets you closer to your strengths.
Feel free to share this guide with your friends or leave a comment below:
How are you planning to uncover your gifts this year? We’re determined to make this your best year!
Tackling your skills today? Getting started only makes tomorrow better!
